Parenting Young Adults
Crushing it at work? But parenting your young adult feels like it’s crushing you?
Relax and take a deep breath, being a parent of a young adult child is a transition for you both.
With transitions, come adjustments BUT with adjustments come healthy growth once navigated appropriately.
Every time your child transitions to a new stage of development, guess what?! You’re transitioning as a parent with them too.
And the same occurs when your child transitions to adulthood.
Unfortunately, many parents grapple with the changes in their roles and duties in their child’s life.
But can we really blame them?!
They’ve spent the past 18 years of hands-on parenting, protecting, guiding, nurturing them.
And now their parenting has taken the shape of one of my favourite childhood games, “In the river, On the Bank”, learning the balancing act of “stepping back” and “stepping-in”.
As a parent of a young adult, you might be wondering: They want to do something I do not approve of or I didn’t grow them up like that-Do I clearly share my objection or just “hold my tongue” and respect their choice?
Your adult child is learning to establish their footing in this world and build their life as an adult.
As a parent, you want that as you transition through this developmental stage with your young adult that your relationship grows or remains intact and that your young adult feels comfortable coming to you when and if they really need you.
And guess what?! They’ll need your advice!
So here are some strategies that you can consider as you navigate this transitory period with your young adult:
1. Affirm their adulthood
Treat them as adults by giving them a degree of respect and autonomy while also maintaining healthy boundaries.
Encourage them to consider their options while also empowering them to make the decision that is in their best interest.
2. Avoid comparing your young adult to another
Hold them accountable but also affirm their unique experiences in adulthood. Let them know that you’re proud of them and encourage them to be the best version of who they were created to be.
3. Avoid power struggles
They never end well!
The more you try to control your adult child, the more stressed and overwhelmed you become and the more they become resentful, reactive and retreat.
4. Check-in with them
Show genuine interest in how they're going. Let them know that you're there for support and include them in family activities.
5. Don't lose yourself as a parent
Check-in with yourself!
As parents, we devote our lives to guiding, protecting and nurturing our children until the day we die. However, sometimes in our devotion, we lose ourselves, get stuck, feel left behind or become lost as our child transitions.
Check-in with your needs, values and desires as a person and take care of yourself too!
6. Empathize with them
They are learning to be adults. Take time to understand how they are experiencing the transition and the changing expectations of others.
7. Encourage open and respectful communication
Express yourself openly and respectfully as a parent and allow your young adult to do the same. Aim to see each other's point of view and grow together as you navigate this phase.
8. Listen MORE and Lecture less
Pause for a cause and think about how you want to approach the situation that clarifies your position and expectations of your young adult.
Offer potent but gentle guidance and alternative perspectives that foster informed and healthy decision-making.
All in all, what your young adult needs from you at this stage is for you to EMPOWER, ENCOURAGE, and EMOTIONALLY SUPPORT them.
If you found this article helpful, share it with your friends, family and colleagues!
If you and/or your young adult wants additional support, you are welcome to contact me and book a free initial phone consultation to see if we might be a good fit to work together and answer any questions you might have.
Here's to learning and growing together!
The Promise is in the Process...Don't suffer in silence
